What kind of mother are you? You have given custody of the children to their father. Don’t you love your children? Mothers always raise their children until they get grown. Some get grown and never leave. Mothers are always there for their children. What would this world be without mothers?
Many women each year decide to give up custody of their children to the fathers and pay child support. The reasons vary from household to household. There are women who are so dependent and addicted to drugs, alcohol or prescription medications that they can’t possibly use rational thought to take care of themselves let alone children. There are others living in situations with boyfriends that are not allowed near children so they make the choice of giving up the kids instead of the man. Women in prison give up custody of children as well.
What if you aren’t some crazed psycho mom and have rational thought? What if you are a responsible citizen and decide that it is better for your children to have permanent custody with their father. What if you work overseas, in the military, unemployed or any other situation that you can’t provide for your children? What do you do?
It is never a simple solution for women to give up their children. There are those who give them up and call consistently making demands on the father and the household. They want to have some control as well as not be forgotten. There are others who work with the father and visitation is a non issue. They want what’s best for the kids and provide loving separate environments.
Giving up custody of preschool children and younger is the most difficult choice for a mother. This is the time where nurturing and bonding is formed. Mothers are giving special care to infants by providing milk, changing diapers and spending time learning their little personalities. As mothers, we can’t possibly think that anyone can do a better job raising small children than ourselves.
During grade school, we are actively involved in teaching values and morals. Even if our children don’t understand what they are being taught, the seed is planted. While schools are giving the basic social skills and book knowledge, survival skills are taught in the home. This is a period of discovery of your childs talents and interests. Some kids are involved in sports, the arts, music, etc., for the first time and others are still discovering their hidden talents. As mothers, we want to be the first to encourage our children to aspire to be their best.
Once they become teenagers, the foundation has been set. The value system they have been given is now tested. Some teens start running into problems due to pressure from peers and family. This is a time that children of split families have difficulty. If both parents give unconditional love and positive reinforcement, this can make the teenage years less strenuous. Parenting can be more of a challenge but not impossible.
As a mother of a teenage boy, I have transferred custody of him to his father for his high school years. This decision was an easy one for me because he needs to get to know his father on a day-to-day basis. I also knew that there were many questions regarding the breakup that I couldn’t answer and the resentment was building. I didn’t want to be the parent that kept her child from his father and then ended up with the child not speaking to me later in life.
I also felt that his value system was set. I gave him his foundation on a motherly level. I also have an open door policy on any topic that he chooses to discuss with me. Since he is in the teenage transition his father would be the best resource to learn how to be a man from something as simple as shaving to working and providing for his family.
As part of giving up custody, court ordered child support helps with the expenses of caring for your children. Many people are under the illusion that only men pay child support but women pay it as well. As part of the court ordered agreement, I happily pay child support to my ex-husband as this funding is helping to keep my child fed, clothed, and housed. There are also dead beat moms that don’t pay child support and leave the expense of raising their children to others.
In most agreements, the noncustodial parent pays for visitation. If the child is local, the expense is minimal in comparison to long distance travel. If children are involved in high level sports or other activities that require a huge time commitment, they may have activities that occur over the summer. This can interfere with the visitation agreement so cooperation is required from both parents to ensure that the child is fulfilling his responsibilities to his team and dedicating himself/herself to the activity that they love.